Before I begin, let me start by explaining something. First, I am having a hard time with my eating disorder, yes, and I know that it is largely due to working at my new (and first) job. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about that because I am poor and desperately need money so I am just going to have to learn how to cope with it. I’m trying out a new thing starting Monday so we will see how that goes. Second, while I am having a hard time, I am also trying to take better care of my body. Exercising is not enough and I have known this for some time now. Since getting back to school I have been making an effort to eat less processed and sugary foods and eating more whole and clean foods like fruits and vegetables and whole grains. I am pretty limited here on campus and it is making me yearn for an apartment even more but it will come with time. For now I just get to eat a lot of salads. But I am not trying to restrict. I am just trying to take better care of my body. I want to live a long and full life, and recovering from my eating disorder has taught me a lot about health and fitness and it is something that I have become very passionate about.
So, since I am trying to eat better I have been eating a salad pretty much every day mostly at dinner since I do not get to eat lunch. Sometimes I will have soup if it looks good. And sometimes I will have a garden burger sans bun or with a whole wheat bun. Now, I can’t tell if in the 12 days that I have been doing this (I can’t believe I’ve been at school since Jan 1st!) if I have already lost fat or if I am just being crazy because I think I can tell a slight difference in how my body looks. I found the scale in the gym today and I stepped on it. It showed me the number I expected to see but I was also wearing running shoes and had just drank an entire water bottle so it was probably less than that, but it isn’t about the number. I am slowly but surely starting to get stronger and leaner and I am loving it.
Giving up certain foods has been hard, especially with it being the end of the holiday season with left over chocolates and whatnot but it hasn’t been awful. I still let myself have some little individual chocolate squares. Maybe two. I’ve had some ice cream. I even had a half a slice of cake but we were celebrating (the Actor got cast as Herrod in Jesus Christ Superstar and the narrator in the radio show). I’m not crazy restricting. I’m not even restricting. I’m just slowly cutting out the bad and adding more of the good.
But cutting out sugar can be very hard for a lot of people. A study on Psychology Today explained that sugar can actually be addicting. The more you eat, the more you will want it. That is why it can be so hard to give up. It is especially hard for someone that doesn’t know how to eat like me. I battle whether or not I can have a tiny square of chocolate nearly daily. I really just want to throw them away so that I won’t be tempted. But every now and then isn’t bad. I am, happily, getting to a point where I don’t want candy that much. I used to want to have something sugary and/or full of carbs after every meal, especially after every salad, but now I will walk away feeling satisfied and full. Maybe I’ll have something, but not all the time. It has only been 12 days which both sounds like a long time and a short time, but in those 12 days I have started to kick the sugar habit. I like it. I like not feeling like a slave to sugar and cravings. I like getting to feel hungry and wonder what I’m going to eat for lunch without having a bad food (I couldn’t think of another word for “bad” but I do not believe that there are “good” and “bad” foods) scream its name at me. It’s so liberating.
I feel really good right now, guys. I have to go to work tomorrow even though it’s not my shift (stupid Seahawks game making everyone want pizzas) but I’m pretty okay with it. It means extra money and they have to feed me on this shift. Plus it’s still the weekend tomorrow so I’ll work and then have the rest of the day free. I like that. Yeah, you know I’m in a good mood when I’m not upset about having to work!
I should have stopped eating sugar a long time ago!