Well, it turns out I don’t have altitude sickness but a real sickness, which is just freakin fantabulous. I always want to say that I never get sick when it’s convenient, but then again it’s never convenient to get sick. I skipped all but one class today and I did go to work which was a terrible idea but I can’t exactly afford not to go, plus when I got there and decided I shouldn’t be there I found out the super was going cray-cray so I decided I should better stay instead of having her blow up in my face about it. I had to go into the freezer to refill the pepperoni for tomorrow and was shivering for about an hour afterward. I just kept muttering to myself, “this is why I’m a vegetarian.”
So, I’m sick. I’m not going to my late class tonight even though we’re going over something on the final. I’ll get the notes and I am just way too congested and exhausted to go. My best bet right now is to take a hot shower and go to bed because I have a poem due tomorrow and a test. But this bothers me most not because I’m skipping classes (which does bother me to a certain extent), or because I’m going to miss out on 3 3/4 hours of pay tomorrow, but because I have now missed 2 days of working out.
I am still in that mindset that I have to work out every day or else all hell breaks loose. Even though I know that exercise only has about a 20% impact on your health and physical appearance. Even though I know that it is driving me nuts that I haven’t gone to the gym and that I skipped my dance class today (with a resting heart rate of 85 it was probably best I skipped it), and that I’ll probably end up skipping the gym tomorrow, too. I actually cried yesterday when the Actor told me to go back to sleep when we normally go to the gym. I was going to wake up 30 minutes before dinner and do some pilates but I ended up sleeping through it. Today I just don’t want to move, even though I know that pilates helps me feel better when I’m sick. It just really bothers me that I’m missing days and I beat myself up more than usual when this happens. I count calories like an insane person. Did you know that I have all of the caloric amounts of everything I eat memorized? Or that I can at least make a pretty good estimation? And of course, anything over 1200 is terrible because I’m sick and can’t exercise.
Why do I still do this? I want to stop but it is just so ingrained in my brain and habits that I feel like I can’t and like I never will be able to. On Monday I let myself eat a brownie at work and then I bought a smoothie after my shift, but only because I knew I was going to the gym later. Today, I have had a bowl of cereal and a peanut butter sandwich (and about my body weight in water) and I’m going to have a little cup of soup for dinner. Why? Because I didn’t go to the gym yesterday and I didn’t dance today, that’s why. I can’t eat too much when I’m sick. It just doesn’t work that way. I know that if I don’t eat enough I won’t get over this, but I would rather be sick longer than gain any weight while I’m sick.
Oh, yeah. It’s this bad.