Tags
calories, classes, college, Eating Disorder, food, gym, health, sick, weight, work, work out, worry
Well, it turns out I don’t have altitude sickness but a real sickness, which is just freakin fantabulous. I always want to say that I never get sick when it’s convenient, but then again it’s never convenient to get sick. I skipped all but one class today and I did go to work which was a terrible idea but I can’t exactly afford not to go, plus when I got there and decided I shouldn’t be there I found out the super was going cray-cray so I decided I should better stay instead of having her blow up in my face about it. I had to go into the freezer to refill the pepperoni for tomorrow and was shivering for about an hour afterward. I just kept muttering to myself, “this is why I’m a vegetarian.”
So, I’m sick. I’m not going to my late class tonight even though we’re going over something on the final. I’ll get the notes and I am just way too congested and exhausted to go. My best bet right now is to take a hot shower and go to bed because I have a poem due tomorrow and a test. But this bothers me most not because I’m skipping classes (which does bother me to a certain extent), or because I’m going to miss out on 3 3/4 hours of pay tomorrow, but because I have now missed 2 days of working out.
I am still in that mindset that I have to work out every day or else all hell breaks loose. Even though I know that exercise only has about a 20% impact on your health and physical appearance. Even though I know that it is driving me nuts that I haven’t gone to the gym and that I skipped my dance class today (with a resting heart rate of 85 it was probably best I skipped it), and that I’ll probably end up skipping the gym tomorrow, too. I actually cried yesterday when the Actor told me to go back to sleep when we normally go to the gym. I was going to wake up 30 minutes before dinner and do some pilates but I ended up sleeping through it. Today I just don’t want to move, even though I know that pilates helps me feel better when I’m sick. It just really bothers me that I’m missing days and I beat myself up more than usual when this happens. I count calories like an insane person. Did you know that I have all of the caloric amounts of everything I eat memorized? Or that I can at least make a pretty good estimation? And of course, anything over 1200 is terrible because I’m sick and can’t exercise.
Why do I still do this? I want to stop but it is just so ingrained in my brain and habits that I feel like I can’t and like I never will be able to. On Monday I let myself eat a brownie at work and then I bought a smoothie after my shift, but only because I knew I was going to the gym later. Today, I have had a bowl of cereal and a peanut butter sandwich (and about my body weight in water) and I’m going to have a little cup of soup for dinner. Why? Because I didn’t go to the gym yesterday and I didn’t dance today, that’s why. I can’t eat too much when I’m sick. It just doesn’t work that way. I know that if I don’t eat enough I won’t get over this, but I would rather be sick longer than gain any weight while I’m sick.
Oh, yeah. It’s this bad.
Being sick is hard, especially if you’re struggling with exercise and eating issues. Over Christmas break I got sick for a few days and felt awful when I tried to workout so I basically compromised by eating basically nothing. Partly because I was so nauseated by food but also because I also feel like I have to exercise every day and it really sucks not being able to. So I really hope you get better soon and can get back into your routine!
I know how you feel – when I am sick and unable to exercise,I also tend to eat very few to “make up” for the lack of physical activity… But honestly? – Bullshit.
I’m sure you know that yourself,but your body uses a ton of energy to make you recover. In fact,you feel sluggish and exhausted all the time because your body is working like CRAZY – so crazy there’s simply no energy left for exercising a lot.
And guess what? – If you don’t eat and give your body the energy which is necessary to fight the illness,you’ll stay sick even LONGER; you won’t be able to exercise for an even longer time. Wouldn’t that be horror? Far more horrible than a few days rest,huh?
And in case it makes you feel better: I felt super sick yesterday,too,so I spent the day on the sofa doing nothing. Oh,and I ate MORE than 1200 calories… Without gaining a single pound overnight.
Grant yourself and your body the rest and time to deserve. You’re worth it.
I know how you feel about not exercising. I’m pretty much on an exercise restriction right now, although I do sneak in some calisthenics at night before bed, bust still, no cardio and it makes me feel like I am daily gaining weight. Social standards and our own personal (ingrained) routines doesn’t help the matter.
Hope you are feeling better today.
I hope that you are doing better. I have had those same thoughts when I am sick, so you are definitely not alone.
Yes, it can be that bad. I give you kudos for mentioning it.
Thank you.